Dear Angie: Holiday Helps

Dear Angie,

Is it tacky to dole out gift certificates instead of putting time and thought into selecting a present? I mean, why not just hand someone twenty-five bucks and say, “Go buy yourself a gift. Here’s a little something for your trouble--and keep the change.”

Sincerely,
Card-Carrying Gift Giver

Dear Card,

My, my--I think I know what the “right” answer is here! Sounds to me like somebody thinks somebody else didn’t spend enough time fighting the crowds at the mall.

But in answer to your not-so-subtle question about the appropriateness of gift cards: it depends. For example, a gift card for ten dollars worth of gasoline, while no doubt useful, would probably not hold the same appeal as specially chosen trunk full of rare coins. But maybe that’s just me.

On the other hand, a $100 department store gift card would beat a Peppermint Medley votive candle with faux-crystal holder every time.

But what about unleaded gasoline versus leaded crystal? That’s not an easy one to answer. Is the crystal in the shape of a stylized swan? Or perhaps two swans with necks intertwined? I can think of very few circumstances in which I would choose intertwined swans over a full tank of gas.

If you’re really determined to get the full Christmas gift experience, simply take your gift card to the mall, buy an unattractive sweater that doesn’t fit, then go back the next day to wait in an hour-long line at customer service to return it.

And stop complaining--at least you didn’t get the swans.

~~~~~~~~~
Dear Angie,

I’ve been visiting Starbucks a lot lately for caffeine hits while out doing my Christmas shopping. Yesterday I noticed that I have a growing collection of those hot drink paper sleeves in my car. What should I do with them? Like, just throw them away?

Thanks,
Grande Guy

Dear Grande,

Don’t trash them just yet! Here are some nifty ways to implement your own holiday recycling plan by re-using those paper sleeves:

• Use them to decorate your caffeine-themed Christmas tree
• Sani-Grip: Use them in public restrooms to grip door handles or push the button on the wall drier. Slip one on each foot, and there’s no need for your shoes to touch the floor! Be prepared for some stares, but as long as nobody breathes on or touches you, you should be okay.
• Use them as a banana platform if you can’t afford or simply refuse to purchase a banana tree (due to weight issues, limit two bananas per sleeve)
• Help for the shy: For a great conversation starter, hang one on each ear. When people ask what you’re doing, you can segue into a discussion of current events (for example, you could reply, “Well, whatever their purpose, they certainly aren’t going to help anyone determine a wise strategy for the war in Iraq.”)
• A little embarrassed about the fact that you’re purchasing store brand tomato sauce instead of Hunt’s? No one need know your little secret! Simply place a paper sleeve around the can and enjoy privacy from the prying eyes of other shoppers
• If you are a light bulb manufacturer with a fairly slow-moving inventory, use them to package your product
• Salsa holder if you don’t mind some clean-up
• Travel muzzle for a young crocodile
• Want to show that special someone how much you care? Forget candy, jewelry, or clothing…declare your love with a creative and unique hand-made Christmas gift! Simply write your clever “sweet nothings” on the outside of a paper sleeve. For example, “Bean” with you is simply “Grande!” or Love you a “Latte.”

So you see, Grande Guy, there are so many different ways to re-use those paper sleeves. Oh, here’s one more: using nail clippers and about 2,500 paper sleeves, cut off tiny pieces to create mulch to go around your front bushes. You should have plenty of free time for that project--especially after that special someone finds out she’s getting a Starbucks paper sleeve for Christmas this year.